Thursday, November 20, 2008

Only In China...

1. You sleep on a slab of wood every night and enjoy it
2. You stay in your pajamas for over 24 hours
3. You eat meals that are staring back at you
4. You can fall asleep on a 5 minute bus ride and go through an entire REM cycle
5. You order food off menus you can't even read
6. You are required to give exact change when purchasing something and if you don't you either can't buy it, or you get old sticks of gum back for change
7. Your church pulpit is made from dressers covered with a mosquito net
8. DVD store owners move an entire trick wall aside to reveal a wonderland of black market movies
9. Fourty girls can live together with minimal fights or drama
10. You can make pretty much anything in the microwave
11. You spot a mosquito from all the way across the room and kill it in one gigantic leap and smack
12. Mother nature calls and you walk to the side of the road and proceed to answer her
13. You go grocery shopping in boxer shorts and eat all your groceries on the bus ride home
14. You only shower twice a week (maybe) and have no problem with it
15. You smell like feet the moment you step out of the shower
16. You watch disney movies ALL DAY
17. You don't leave your apartment until 5:00 PM on a good day...and that's to go get dinner
18. You can talk about strangers sitting right next to you and know they have no idea what you are saying
19. You freeze your butt off at 60 degrees
20. The temperature drops 2 degrees and scarves, coats and gloves are suddenly a necessity
21. A family of five can fit on one motorcycle
22. An entire family's belongings can fit on the back of a bicycle
23. Grandmas spit loogies on the ground the size of baseballs
24. You see a guy get pulled over on his bicycle for the PVC pipe he is carrying being too long
25. You walk around with your neck stuck out to convince yourself that you don't have rice cheeks
26. You eat rice at least twice a day
27. You answer the phone screaming "Wei?! Ni hao..."
28. The street sweepers spend all day sweeping the leaves off the street and then they turn right around and spit on it
29. Members of the same sex holding hands is a common occurrence and seeing couples of the opposite sex holding hands weirds people out
30. You have to allot time on vacations for photo shoots with random Chinese people

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