Wednesday, July 29, 2009

In case you were wondering

I am now sans tonsil and I feel like I whole new person!

Ok so that's a lie. I feel exactly the same - besides the fact that I'm constantly hungry. I don't know that I was really mentally prepared to have surgery last week. For some reason I kept comparing having my tonsils out to having my wisdom teeth out, which was no big deal for me. I thought it would just be a quick thing that I would be able to recover from in a couple days, despite the fact that my doctor said I'd be down for about two weeks (I still think that's a little extreme). But Thursday morning after donning that lovely purple hospital gown, getting an IV shoved into my hand, and being wheeled into the operating room and parked under those blinding white lights like you see in the movies, I finally realized...whoa, this is like, real surgery.  The thought probably should have frightened me, but instead it made me and official in a morbid kind of way.  I dunno.

So I'm laying on the bed under those infernal lights in the OR and the anesthesiologist comes in to prepare me to be knocked out.  He's asking me all these questions about where I went to high school and what I'm doing with my life now that I'm getting old - you know, the kind of questions you ask a person that you run into at a random party that you haven't talked to (and would have rather kept it that way) in five years.  I'm politely answering his questions, laughing when appropriate, all the while thinking to myself ...this is really awkward - laying on this table in the buff covered by this paper thin robe making small talk with a man with a scrawny face and googly eyes who is just waiting to shoot some drugs into me so these strangers can do unspeakable things to my precious throat... While I'm thinking all these things, it randomly comes up that he has a son in China.  

"Oh cool," I pipe up, "I just went there." 

"Oh yeah?!  My son just loves it there!  What were you there for?"

"I was just a volunteer english teach... "

Mid-answer, this guy plops the oxygen mask right on my face, you know like when you're at the dentist and he asks you a question then sticks his fingers down your throat?  Kinda like that.  I should have figured that small talk time was over at this point, but for some reason I kept trying to answer his question.  So I continue my sentence...ensue awkwardness...

" for a few months over there. "

Mr. A, eyes wide as he realizes I am still talking to him, "Oh wait, what?  Were you sayin' somethin' there squirt?  Oh you were teaching English!  What part of China were you in?"

"It was in southern China near... " down comes the mask...

"Oh wait, what?  Shoot I keep cuttin' ya off now don't I?  Ho ho ho, silly me."

Is this guy serious?  I'm thinking to myself.  Just give me the drugs and let's get this show on the road already.  If I wanted unpleasant conversation I would have gone to that girl's party last night...

"Well I guess it's about time we put ya out so Dr. Stoker here can do his business, eh?"

Yes please.

The last thing I remember before going under was hearing crazy Mr. A. yelling, "Doh, there she goes!  GO DARTS!!  GO DARTS!!  WOO HOO!!"  Like I was some wild, die hard Darts (my high school mascot.  Incidentally his other son is a Lancer, our rivals.) fan that needed a little high school football game nostalgia before entering dream land.  Once again, I dunno.

Anyway, that's pretty much where the eventfulness ends.  I woke up after about a half hour in the operating room, stayed a couple hours in the hospital and have since been sitting on my couch rotting away.  The first couple days I felt great.  I was eating solid food, sleeping 16 hours a day and loving life.  The pain has escalated a little in the past couple days because apparently the scabs are starting to fall off now.  Gross, I know.  But I have yet to take any pain medication (liquid Lortab?  Pssssh, who needs it) and I'm told things should start looking up here in the next few days.  So yeah, I guess getting my tonsils out really hasn't been that big of a deal.  It's been relatively pleasant, in fact.  Ridiculousness in the hospital, a week off work and never getting strep again?  I'll drink to that.  

Monday, July 13, 2009

Oh such words of wisdom

"I'm going to take my hands off the car and let the car drive itself but...I'm still going to touch the car."
- Mark Clifton on the metaphorical and physical hands-off approach to relationships

Such a classic moment. And the best part? He was completely serious. I'm still laughing about this one.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

and one more thing

I paid 25 bones for a heavenly piece of salmon last night. Call me crazy, but it was worth it.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I have complaints

Firstly, I want to give a reverse shout out to the Centerville Fourth of July parade. We go there every year and it's usually a pretty good parade, even if it is relatively chill and nothing close to the craziness that ensues at the Kaysville parade. Well this year, the city of Centerville decided to take the meaning of the word "chill" to a new level - like the lowest level of the meaning of the word actually - meaning flat out boring. There was only one float, all the candy was taffy (my mom held out strong for those Tootsie Rolls until the very end though. Maybe she thought that constantly yelling "Tootsies Tootsies!" would miraculously turn all the taffy into Tootsie Rolls?), and I guess they just wanted to kick us while we were down because on top of all that there were NO bagpipers! What kind of lame parade has no bagpipers? I was so disappointed. Complaint numero uno.

Secondly, I mysteriously contracted strep again for the third time in three months. I got it from a person who shall remain anonymous back in April and since then it just keeps coming back at random times. Oh and the weeks I don't have strep I'm constantly exhausted from getting mono sometime since April as well. I always thought I'd rather be sick and sitting on my couch all day instead of being at work, but since yesterday I've definitely changed my mind. I didn't know it was possible to get that bored in one day (and let me tell ya folks, I don't exactly have the most exciting job in the world). And I never watch TV so after about nine hours of doing that yesterday my brain felt like it was melting and my eyes were about to pop out of their beedy little sockets. Luckily I felt well enough to be able to go to work today, but I'm still a little bitter about the fact that my swollen throat is causing me to talk like a muppet. I'm seriously considering going back to Asia to try and locate my immune system that I apparently left there. Complaint B.

Sub-complaint in relation to complaint B: I have to get my tonsils out in a couple weeks so I
won't keep getting crazy diseases. Doc says I'll be out of order for about two weeks, which
I refuse to let happen. Two weeks without biking, yoga and solid food = a very good
possibility of me just dropping dead. You are all invited to my funeral. It will definitely
be a good time (that's what she said).

And lastly, I basically ate an earwig today. I bought a camelback water bottle a couple weeks ago and I've been a huge fan. It's super fun to drink out of because you have to chew on the blue squishy thing on top and then suck the water up through the straw. Well this morning I was drinking out of my trusty water bottle and I was thinking that I was having to suck unusually hard and there was hardly any water coming out. I was getting kind of frustrated so I finally just gave it one huge suck and guess what popped out of the straw and into my mouth? A dead earwig. I immediately spit it out and kind of started gagging. I mean, I've eaten worse things before, but this little guy took me completely by surprise. Gross. Final complaint.

In other news, The Sounds just came out with an awesome new album after having been M.I.A. for the past two years and The Black Keys are coming to the Twilight Concert Series next week. Holla!