I have complaints

Firstly, I want to give a reverse shout out to the Centerville Fourth of July parade. We go there every year and it's usually a pretty good parade, even if it is relatively chill and nothing close to the craziness that ensues at the Kaysville parade. Well this year, the city of Centerville decided to take the meaning of the word "chill" to a new level - like the lowest level of the meaning of the word actually - meaning flat out boring. There was only one float, all the candy was taffy (my mom held out strong for those Tootsie Rolls until the very end though. Maybe she thought that constantly yelling "Tootsies Tootsies!" would miraculously turn all the taffy into Tootsie Rolls?), and I guess they just wanted to kick us while we were down because on top of all that there were NO bagpipers! What kind of lame parade has no bagpipers? I was so disappointed. Complaint numero uno.

Secondly, I mysteriously contracted strep again for the third time in three months. I got it from a person who shall remain anonymous back in April and since then it just keeps coming back at random times. Oh and the weeks I don't have strep I'm constantly exhausted from getting mono sometime since April as well. I always thought I'd rather be sick and sitting on my couch all day instead of being at work, but since yesterday I've definitely changed my mind. I didn't know it was possible to get that bored in one day (and let me tell ya folks, I don't exactly have the most exciting job in the world). And I never watch TV so after about nine hours of doing that yesterday my brain felt like it was melting and my eyes were about to pop out of their beedy little sockets. Luckily I felt well enough to be able to go to work today, but I'm still a little bitter about the fact that my swollen throat is causing me to talk like a muppet. I'm seriously considering going back to Asia to try and locate my immune system that I apparently left there. Complaint B.

Sub-complaint in relation to complaint B: I have to get my tonsils out in a couple weeks so I
won't keep getting crazy diseases. Doc says I'll be out of order for about two weeks, which
I refuse to let happen. Two weeks without biking, yoga and solid food = a very good
possibility of me just dropping dead. You are all invited to my funeral. It will definitely
be a good time (that's what she said).

And lastly, I basically ate an earwig today. I bought a camelback water bottle a couple weeks ago and I've been a huge fan. It's super fun to drink out of because you have to chew on the blue squishy thing on top and then suck the water up through the straw. Well this morning I was drinking out of my trusty water bottle and I was thinking that I was having to suck unusually hard and there was hardly any water coming out. I was getting kind of frustrated so I finally just gave it one huge suck and guess what popped out of the straw and into my mouth? A dead earwig. I immediately spit it out and kind of started gagging. I mean, I've eaten worse things before, but this little guy took me completely by surprise. Gross. Final complaint.

In other news, The Sounds just came out with an awesome new album after having been M.I.A. for the past two years and The Black Keys are coming to the Twilight Concert Series next week. Holla!